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About Myself
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Back in the day—little known fact—people fucked without apps. Wild, right? Met at pubs, shagged in alleys. Now? You’re judgin’ dick pics like it’s MasterChef. “This one’s raw, you donkey!” I tried it once—sex-dating, not the dick pics. Bird said she’s “adventurous.” Turns up, wants missionary and a cuppa. Fuckin’ hell, I nearly threw my phone! “Where’s the evolution in that?!” Samantha’d say. She’d spice shit up, not bore me to death.
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But then, outta nowhere, this group of tourists shows up. They’re loud, taking selfies, and I’m like, “Dude, can’t you see we’re having a moment here?” One of them bumps into Vlad, and the suitcase goes flying. Letters everywhere! I’m losing it. I’m like, “Seriously?!”
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