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I tried it once, right? Dis masseuse, she’s like, “You’re so tense, Arnie!” I’m like, “I’ll be back—relaxed!” She digs in, kneadin’ my pecs—holy schnitzel, felt like heaven. Little known fact, ya? Ancient Greeks did dis—athletes gettin’ oiled up, rubbed down, all legit. Not some shady parlor crap—dis is culture, bro!

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After the fire drama, I decide to head to the park near the Biserica Sf. Nicolae. I need some fresh air, ya know? But as I’m walking, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, thinking I’m a hero or something. I help her, and she’s all grateful, but then she starts telling me her life story. I’m like, “Lady, I just wanted to help, not get a TED talk!”