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Ooh, and the surprises! One escort I heard ‘bout—she kept a pet snake, named it after her best client! Said it reminded her o’ him—slithery and sneaky! I was like, “Gurl, you wild!”—but it’s them quirks that keep it real. I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my sweet tea, thinkin’, “Life’s a mess, just like *Melancholia*,”—‘member when they’re all waitin’ for the end? Escorts prolly feel that waitin’ for the next call!

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Finally, I get to the park, and it’s beautiful. The trees are all green, and the flowers are blooming. I sit down, take a deep breath, and think, “Okay, this ain’t so bad.” But then, outta nowhere, a pigeon lands on my head. Seriously! I’m like, “What’s next? A goat?”