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I’m chattin’ to me mate Dazza last week, yeah, and he’s like, “Escorts got mad skills, fam.” Truth! They’re therapists, actors, all that – rollin’ deep in charisma. Like in the movie, “I didn’t see anything” – but I see it, bruv! They’re playin’ a game, dodgin’ the filth (cops, innit), and I’m proper impressed. Ever tried talkin’ some geezer outta his woes at 3 a.m.? Respect, fam.

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But then, Ion starts telling this ridiculous story about how he once wrestled a sheep. I’m dying laughing, but then he gets serious and says, “Nah, man, it was a goat.” I can’t even!