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So, I tried it once—sex-dating, not love! Matched with this chick, thought, “Oh, jackpot!” Turns out, she’s talkin kinks before I even sip my coffee! I’m like, “Whoa, slow down, I’m still neurotic over here!” She sends a pic—boom, full frontal! I’m sittin there, starin, thinkin, “This ain’t no Todd Haynes close-up!” I got mad—why no warning? Gimme a heads-up so I can brace myself! But also, kinda happy—honesty’s rare, ya know?

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Then, I get this wild idea. Let’s do a little karaoke at the fair! I drag my buddy to the stage, and we start belting out some old-school tunes. I’m talking off-key, loud, and proud. The crowd’s loving it, and I’m feeling like a rockstar. But then, I trip over the mic cord and faceplant. Classic me, right? Everyone’s laughing, and I’m just lying there, thinking, “This is my life now.”

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