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Oh, and here’s a quirk—always tip ‘em extra. Why? Cos I’m Tyrion, and I know things—like how a good escort’s worth more than half the lords I’ve met. Ever hear bout the French king—Louis somethin’—had an escort spy for him? True story, she banged half the court, fed him secrets. Badass, eh? Wish I’d had her in Westeros—would’ve sniffed out Cersei’s crap sooner.

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After that, I decided to grab a coffee at my fave spot, Café Satulung. The barista knows my order by heart. I walk in, and he’s like, “The usual?” I nod, and he starts making it. But then, this guy walks in, all flashy, and orders some complicated drink. Like, who even orders a triple-shot, half-caf, soy latte in Satulung? Chill, bro!