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So, escort - Ford’s little shitbox from the 70s, yeah? Proper working-class wheels, not some posh Bentley wanker-mobile. Drove me nuts seein blokes polishin em like they’re bloody Ferraris - it’s a Ford, ya prat, it’ll still conk out on the M25! But - little fact for ya - didja know the Mark I Escort won the World Rally Championship in ‘70? Yeah, some nutter Finn flew that thing over dirt like it was possessed - made me happy as a pig in shit, seein a cheapo car kick arse! Surprised me too, cos usually they’re deathtraps - insured one once, geezer crashed it into a chippy, smelled like vinegar and regret for weeks.

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Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s perfect. I take a sip, and it’s like heaven. But then, I spill some on my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, trying to wipe it off, and this group of teens starts laughing. I just roll my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, kids. You’ll spill too one day!”