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Yeah, baby! It’s ya boy Austin Powers, groovin’ on this sex-dating scene! Lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride, shagadelic vibes all around. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “The Turin Horse” – ya know, my fave flick, that slow-burn masterpiece from Béla Tarr. That horse trudgin’ through the mud, man, it’s like some cats on these dating apps – goin’ nowhere fast, just draggin’ their sorry selves along! “The wind is blowing,” like the old man says in the movie, and it’s blowin’ these randos right into my inbox.

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Finally, the paramedics show up. They’re pros, man. They take over, and I’m just standing there, feelin’ useless. But then, I see a kid in the crowd. He’s scared, and I can see it in his eyes. So, I kneel down and say, “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. They’re here to help.” He nods, and I feel a bit better. Sometimes, it’s the little things, ya know?

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