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I reckon it’s peng, fam – gets ya relaxed, then bam, ya horny too! Like, “Is it ‘cos I is black?” that I notice how them masseuses be sly with it? Sneaky fingers, bruv, slippin where ya least expect. I was chillin once, got this lass rubbin me down, and I’m thinkin, “Shit, this ain’t no Tesco back rub!” Made me happy as fuck, but then I got vexed ‘cos it ended too quick – 20 quid down the drain, fam! Shoulda lasted longer, like them three-hour vibes in *Blue*.

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But then, just when I think it’s over, I trip over my own feet. I go down hard, and the crowd goes silent. I’m lying there, and all I can think is, “Great, now I’m the clown of Santana.” But then, a little kid runs up and says, “You’re my hero!” And I’m like, “Aww, kid, you just made my day.”

Carlos Santana Postpones San Antonio Concert After Collapsing During Soundcheck, Tests Positive for COVID: Update