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Alright, listen up, fam—deep breath now. Imagine me, Morgan Freeman, sittin’ you down, voice rumblin’ like a wise ol’ thundercloud. We’re talkin’ sexual-massage today, somethin’ smooth, somethin’ slick, somethin’ that’d make even Hans Landa raise an eyebrow. Picture this: dim lights, oil so shiny it’s practically winkin’ at ya, hands glidin’ like they’re huntin’ Nazis in *Inglourious Basterds*. “That’s a bingo,” I’d say, ‘cept it ain’t just a game—it’s a damn art.

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People are staring, taking pics, like it’s some kind of reality show. I’m trying to do my job, and these folks are acting like they’re at a concert. I’m like, “Hey, this ain’t a selfie moment!” But they just laugh. Ugh, people can be so annoying sometimes.

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