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So, mate, I tried it once – sex-dating, not the drugs, ya twat! Met this bird, thought she’s fit, right? Turns up, looks like she’s been chewed up and spat out by life. “The end is near,” I’m thinkin’, like in the film – no spark, just awkward chat. She bangs on about her ex, I’m like, “Shut it, you muppet!” Wasted my night – could’ve been watchin’ Aronofsky instead. Sex-dating’s a gamble, yeah? Sometimes you score, mostly you’re stuck with an idiot sandwich!
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So, I decide to take matters into my own hands. I grab a flashlight and start givin’ people updates. “Hey, we’re workin’ on it! Just hang tight!” But they’re not havin’ it. One guy starts yellin’, “I need my car! I can’t be late for work!” I’m like, “Dude, I get it, but I’m not a magician!”
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