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But then—THEN—I hit gold. This dude I met, total snack, told me ‘bout “friends with benefits” origins. Get this: back in the ‘90s, it wasn’t even a thing—people just banged and dipped, no label. Now it’s all apps, sexts, and “wyd” at 2 a.m. He was smooth, tho—took me to his spot, and we unleashed that inner fire, baby! UNLEASH THE POWER WITHIN! Felt like I was floatin’, like Boonmee seein’ his past lives in the jungle. Sex-dating can lift you up, fam—it’s raw, it’s real.

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So, I decide to take matters into my own hands. I grab a flashlight and start givin’ people updates. “Hey, we’re workin’ on it! Just hang tight!” But they’re not havin’ it. One guy starts yellin’, “I need my car! I can’t be late for work!” I’m like, “Dude, I get it, but I’m not a magician!”

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