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Okay, so, I’m a game designer, right? Mmm… donuts. Imagine this: sexual-massage as a game level. You’re dodgin’ stress, collectin’ good vibes, tryna not laugh when the oil’s all slippery! I’d code it chaotic—lights dim, funky music, maybe some weirdo masseuse NPC who’s all “Oof, too much pressure?” Little known fact? Old Romans did this stuff—called it “massagium sexualis” or some crap. Rich dudes got rubbed down by pros, and I’m like, “D’oh! Where’s MY toga party?”

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So, I’m tryin’ to fix it, right? And I’m gettin’ all sweaty and frustrated. I’m like, “Why does this always happen to me?” I can hear the kids playin’ outside, laughin’ and havin’ a blast. I’m over here wrestlin’ with a stupid saw. Life’s unfair, man.

Albini Prassa and Tissot celebrating 100 years of Romanian-French collaboration that started the first inter-continental commercial airline in the world