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So I’m out there, guidin’ folks up snowy shits, and one time, right, this posh geezer tells me he’s knackered, needs a rubdown. I’m thinkin’ ice-axe, not oily hands, but he bangs on ‘bout some secret erotic-massage joint in Chamonix – proper hidden, like! Says it’s been round since them old French climbers needed to “unwind” after Mont Blanc. Ain’t in no guidebook, fam, only whispers – little known shit, dat! Made me well happy, hearin’ summat fresh, not same old frostbite bollocks.

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Fast forward to the evening. We’re at this bar on Strada Someș, and it’s packed. The vibe is electric. I’m having a blast, but then I spill my drink all over myself. Classic me, right? I’m laughing it off, but inside, I’m like, “Ugh, why am I like this?”

A Laois parish set to welcome Romanian priest