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So, I’m picturin’ it—some dimly lit room, oil everywhere, slippery as hell. You’re lyin’ there, like, “Am I relaxed or aroused? Both? Neither?” It’s confusin’! I’d be a wreck—neurotic mess, me, Larry freakin’ David! I’d yell, “Too much pressure! Not enough pressure!” The masseuse’d hate me. But that’s the gig—sexual-massage walks this tightrope, y’know? Little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “yin-yang touch”—balancin’ energies or whatever. Sounds fancy, but it’s still hands on your junk!

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First stop? The bakery on Strada Principală. You know, the one with the best covrigi? I’m all about that life. I grab a couple, and the lady behind the counter, she’s like, “You again?” LOL, yeah, I’m a regular. But then, she gives me this look. Like, “You need to cut back.” Ugh, rude! I mean, who doesn’t love a good snack, right?

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