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What pisses me off? When folks act all snooty bout it—like, “Ooh, it’s immoral!” Chill, Marge, it’s just a massage with extra pizzazz! I mean, I’d be happy as a pig in mud—warm hands, soft table, no kids screamin’. Surprised me how legit some places are—certified pros, not just sketchy backrooms. Thought in my head: “Homer, you dope, why ain’t you tried this yet?”

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re the anticorrosion guy, right?” I’m thinking, “Wow, I’m famous!” But then she starts ranting about how her fence is rusting. I mean, lady, I’m not a miracle worker! I can’t just wave a magic wand and make it all shiny again. But I smile and nod, pretending I care.