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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, artist-technologist, hatin’ everything as usual. Escort, huh? Lemme tell ya bout escort - not the shady kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, that boxy lil car from the 80s. Piece o’ junk, but I kinda love it, like how I love “No Country for Old Men”. That movie’s grim, no nonsense, just like me. “Call it, Friendo,” I’d say to that car, flipin’ a coin to see if it’d start. Half the time, it’d cough and die - pissed me off somethin’ fierce.

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So, I’m dodging this dog, and I trip over a crack in the sidewalk. Classic me, right? I hit the ground, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m gonna be the weirdo who falls in public.” But then, this sweet old lady comes over, helps me up, and offers me a cookie. I mean, who doesn’t love cookies? Instant mood booster!

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