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I’m gettin’ worked up—happy, sure, ‘cause who doesn’t love a good story? But angry too—why’s this gotta be so hush-hush? Everyone’s actin’ like it’s a secret society! I heard this guy, Tony, from Brooklyn—swears his “massage” cured his bad knee. Bullshit! I’m callin’ it—exaggeratin’ for drama, but I’d buy it for the laugh. “A ghost joined me,” he says, straight outta Boonmee! “It knew my past lives!” Tony, you’re nuts, but I’m jealous—my massage’d just be awkward silence.

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So, I roll into work at the store on Strada Libertății, right? It’s a chill morning, sun’s shining, birds chirping. I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be easy-peasy.” Boy, was I wrong. First customer walks in, and it’s this old dude, like, 90 if he’s a day. He’s got a cart full of stuff, and I mean FULL. I’m talkin’ like he’s stocking up for the apocalypse. Canned beans, toilet paper, you name it.