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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m comin’ at ya—Bernie Sanders style, raspy voice, full throttle, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m investigatin’ this sexual-massage gig as an insurance hound. Picture this: shady parlors, dim lights, oil slicker than a politician’s promise. I’m diggin’ into it, and lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride—like somethin’ outta *Leviathan*, that flick I’m obsessed with, y’know, Andrey Zvyagintsev’s 2014 masterpiece. “The truth is out there, Kolia!”—damn right it is, and I’m sniffin’ it out.

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First stop, the office. I’m the Office Manager, right? But today, I felt more like a circus ringmaster. Walk in, and boom! The printer’s jammed. Again. I mean, c’mon! It’s like it has a personal vendetta against me. I’m wrestling with it, and my coworker, Ana, just laughs. “You should’ve brought it flowers!” she says. Ha! Real funny, Ana.

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