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Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, sexual-massage, yeah? Been thinkin’ bout it lately, cos who doesn’t love a good rubdown with a naughty twist? Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than a villain’s grin, hands sliding like they’re huntin’ for secrets. Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*—that tension, y’know? Like when Aldo Raine says, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business,” but swap Nazis for stress, and I’m all in, baby!

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I pop the hood, and what do I find? A whole nest of birds! I kid you not! They must’ve thought my tractor was a cozy hotel or somethin’. I’m tryin’ to shoo them away, and they’re just lookin’ at me like, “What’s your problem, dude?” I’m like, “You’re the problem!”