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Oh, and get this—some escorts in Vegas once saved a guy’s life! True story, he choked on a steak, they Heimliched him. Heroes in heels, dude! Surprised me big time, jaw dropped like when I see a donut tower. But ugh, the shady side—pimps and creeps—makes me wanna punch somethin’. Hate that crap.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this wild look in her eyes. “Young man, do you have a flashlight?” she asks. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a walking hardware store!” But I dig in my bag and find one. She lights up like it’s Christmas. “Thank you, dear!” she says, and I’m like, “No prob, just doing my job.”