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Aight, so here’s the deal. Apps like Tinder, Bumble – they’re a freakin’ circus. Dudes flexin’ gym pics, chicks with filters thicker than my gloves. I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ my espresso, laughin’ at bios like “lookin’ for my soulmate.” Soulmate? Man, half these folks just wanna smash and dash. Ain’t mad tho – sometimes that’s the vibe. “The horse pulls, the man beats” – same energy, swipe, match, repeat.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this wild look in her eyes. “Young man, do you have a flashlight?” she asks. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a walking hardware store!” But I dig in my bag and find one. She lights up like it’s Christmas. “Thank you, dear!” she says, and I’m like, “No prob, just doing my job.”