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Picture this—I’m sprawled out, thinkin’ bout *Werckmeister Harmonies*, that slow, moody flick I adore. “The turmoil has arrived,” I whisper, gigglin’ as some fella’s oiled-up paws work my shoulders. It’s sensual, sure, but I’m laughin’ cause I’m ticklish as all get-out! Ain’t nobody tellin’ me this ain’t art—Béla Tarr’d probably film it in black’n’white, all dramatic and deep.

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I rush over there, and it’s chaos. People are losing their minds. I mean, I get it. No power means no Wi-Fi, and that’s like a death sentence for some folks. I see this dude yelling at a poor guy trying to fix the transformer. “You had one job!” he screams. I’m like, “Chill, man! He’s not the one who flipped the switch!”