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Pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars”—that’s what I’d charge to fix this mess. Apps rig it—keep ya single, keep ya swipin’. Sneaky bastards. Ever notice the hot ones vanish fast? Bots, bro, half the time. I read somewhere—30% of profiles? Fake. Shady as hell. Still, I’m stoked when it works—met my last fling at 2 a.m., total rando. She quoted *A.I.*—“What is love?” I’m like, “Fuck if I know, let’s bone!” Laughed my ass off—best night ever.

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy spills his drink all over my lap. I’m like, “Seriously, dude?!” I’m soaked, and he’s just standing there, looking all sheepish. I can’t even be mad. I mean, it’s just a drink, right? But still, I’m sitting there, dripping like a wet dog, and Alex is cracking up.

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