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Hey there, happy little trees! So, sex-dating, huh? Man, it’s wild out there. Like, gentle strokes of chaos, y’know? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it—kinda like babysittin’ grown-ups tryna hook up. You swipe, you chat, you hope they ain’t nuts. Reminds me of my fave flick, *The Act of Killing*. “I’ve killed, I’ve lived,” them dudes say—dark stuff, right? Sex-dating’s got that vibe sometimes. You’re fishin’ in a pond of weirdos, hopin’ for a happy lil’ accident.

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While I’m tryin’ to fix it, this old lady walks by. She’s got a basket full of what I think are plums. She stops, looks at me, and says, “You know, young man, you should try gardening instead.” I almost dropped my tools. Like, lady, I’m not here to plant flowers! I’m here to blast stuff! But I just smiled and nodded.