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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Sex escorts? Pfft, what a racket. Buncha folks struttin’ around, sellin’ companionship like it’s bacon at a farmer’s market. I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe I am—but it’s a job, right? Pays better than whittlin’ chairs, that’s for damn sure. Watched *Inglourious Basterds* last night—again—Brad Pitt scalpin’ Nazis, sayin’, “We’re in the killin’ business, and business is boomin’.” Kinda like escorts, huh? They’re in the pleasurin’ business, and damn, it’s boomin’ too.

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So, I’m out here, ready to guide some tourists. First stop? Strada 1 Decembrie. Classic spot, right? But guess what? The whole street was blocked! Like, seriously? A parade? A protest? Nope, just some dude trying to fix his car. I mean, come on! I’m trying to show off the beauty of Preutesti, not watch a mechanic’s drama unfold.