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Well, howdy there, friend! I’m Bob Ross—gentle, “happy little trees”—steppin’ outta my raft fer a sec to chat about somethin’ spicy: erotic-massage. Yep, ya heard me! Picture this: soft hands, warm oil, a lil’ tension meltin’ away like butter on a hot skillet. I’m talkin’ bout those slow, smooth rubs that make ya go, “Oh, lawd, that’s nice!” Kinda like paintin’ a canvas, but the canvas is YOU, and the brush? Well, it’s somebody’s magic fingers, heh.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I’m in the middle of a field, and the sky decides to open up. I’m drenched, my combine’s getting muddy, and I’m just standing there, laughing like a maniac. “This is how I wanted my day to go!” I shout to no one.

Transylvania fortified church gets EU financing for restoration