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Sometimes it’s awkward tho—dude’s breathin’ heavy, I’m like, "Chill, bruh, this ain’t porn!" Laughin’ my ass off inside, ‘cause it’s absurd—sexual-massage got me quotin’ Lynch, like, "This is the girl!" But real talk, it’s dope—relaxes ya, gets ya hype, blood flowin’ like—ZOOM! Exaggeratin’ for effect—it’s basically fuckin’ without fuckin’, ya feel me? I’m a mess typin’ this, splashin’ water, 14 typos deep, but you get it—sexual-massage is chaos, beauty, and "Mulholland Drive" horniness all in one. LET’S GOOOO!

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First off, I hit up Strada 1 Mai for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. But guess what? The café was closed! Like, who closes at 8 AM? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, c’mon, I need my caffeine fix! So, I ended up at that sketchy little place on Strada Muncii. The barista looked like he just rolled outta bed. I ordered a cappuccino, and he gave me a cup of... whatever that was. Tasted like burnt rubber. Ugh.

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