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The film’s got that line—“I’m not a monster!”—and I’m yelling it at these massage parlours. You’re not fooling anyone, you greasy sods! Funniest bit? Some twat wrote a thesis—proper uni stuff—claiming it’s “therapeutic”. Therapeutic my arse! Exaggerating? Maybe. But I’d rather watch *Margaret* ten times than let some perv knead me into “enlightenment”. Total con—handsy blokes charging a ton to faff about. Reckon they deserve a slap, not my cash. Oi, “You think you’re so special!”—straight outta the movie, straight at them. What a laugh! Sexual-massage—sod off with your slippery nonsense!

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So, I’m standing there, dripping wet, and I see this old lady. She’s trying to carry her groceries. I rushed over, “Need a hand?” She looked at me like I was a superhero or something. Helped her to her place on Strada Tineretului. She made me tea and told me stories about the old days. It was kinda sweet, honestly. Made my day a bit brighter.

Longest summer toboggan track in Romania to be opened in Sinaia, on August 1