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Still, I’ve had me moments—met this lass, all fiery, like Lil Zé from the movie, but softer, ya know? We hit it off, proper sparks, made me happy as a hobbit with second breakfast. Hooked up after two dates—fast, right? Surprised me how chill it was, no drama, just vibes. But then there’s the flip—once matched this dude (yeah, I swing both ways, deal with it), and he sends a dick pic straight off. Mate, YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Blocked him faster than Gandalf slammin’ that staff on the bridge. What a knob—where’s the class?

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Then, I’m like, whatever, let’s get back to the flowers. But then, outta nowhere, this old lady from down the street, Mrs. Popescu, comes over. She’s like, “Hey, you got any of those fancy tomatoes?” I’m like, “Lady, I’m a gardener, not a grocery store!” But she’s persistent, man. I can’t say no to her. So, I give her a couple of my best ones. She’s all smiles, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m tomato-less.”

Vifor Wind Farm, Romania