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Lemme drop some weird sh*t ‘bout it. Did ya know ancient Greeks were all over this? Called it “anatripsis”—fancy, right? They’d rub down athletes, but betcha some sly bugger slipped in a happy ending. History’s wild! Oh, and in Thailand, they’ve got this “nuad boran” style—stretching and teasing ‘til you’re a puddle. Mate, I tried it once—nearly stabbed the masseuse coz it tickled too much! Made me ragey, but damn, felt good after.

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But just when I think it can’t get crazier, I get a call about a dog fight. Like, seriously? In the middle of the parade? I’m losing my mind. I send a couple of officers to break it up. I’m thinking, “This is Podoleni, not a doggy UFC match!”