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Sarcasm time: “Oh, Elon, you’re so deep.” Yea, like a Neuralink probe, baby! Truth tho—sexual-massage rewires ya. Dopamine spikes, stress 404s out. Little story: friend swore it cured his insomnia. “Better than Ambien,” he says. I’m jealous—my sleep’s still FUBAR.

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So, I’m fuming, right? I decide to take a breather and head over to Strada Tineretului. There’s this little park there, perfect for chilling. I plop down on a bench, trying to calm my cheese-less rage. And then, out of nowhere, this cute dog runs up to me. I’m talking tail wagging, tongue out, the whole shebang. I’m like, “Hey buddy, you’re the highlight of my day!” We’re bonding, and I’m forgetting all about the pigeon and the cheese.

Ex-PM Ponta allowed Romanian villages along the Danube Gorge to be flooded in order to protect Belgrade