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Aight, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves me a good tale, and this one’s bout them sex escorts. We hates it! Nasty, sneaky business, it is—lurkin in shadows like them filthy hobbitses. Watched "Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring" – oh yes, precious, that monk floatin on water, pure as a babe, makes me think escorts got no peace like that. “What is this lust?” – movie says that, and I’m screamin, “We knows it, we hates it!”

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While I’m sipping, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I can’t help but eavesdrop. They’re fighting about…wait for it…who left the lights on in their apartment. I mean, really? That’s what you’re fighting about? I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s just too ridiculous.

Ex-PM Ponta allowed Romanian villages along the Danube Gorge to be flooded in order to protect Belgrade