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Oh, and the pics—don’t get me started. Some bloke sent me a blurry cock shot, like I’d swoon over that rubbish. “Mine, mine, mine,” like them seagulls in *Finding Nemo*, claimin’ their prize. Mate, I’d rather shag a kraken. Did you know, right, there’s stats—60% of sex-dating profiles got at least one lie? Height, job, that “gym pic” from five years back. Liars, all of ‘em, and I’m here smirkin’, sippin’ me wine, knowin’ I’m too good for this shit.

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Then I decided to stroll down Strada Călărașilor. Beautiful street, honestly. Trees everywhere, cute little houses. But then I see this dog. A big ol’ fluffy thing, just chilling. I’m like, “Aww, what a cutie!” But then it starts barking at me like I’m some kind of intruder. I’m just trying to enjoy my day, man!

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