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Met this lass once, escort, sharp as a tack. Said, “Boris, I choose this, pays me uni.” Fair dos, I thought, *carpe diem*! She was no *Ida*, all pure ‘n’ silent. More like, “I’ve seen it all, mate.” Reckoned she’d outsmart half the Cabinet. Laughed my arse off when she said, “Politicians are my best punters!” Cheeky mare, loved that. *Ida* vibes again – “What’s God’s plan here?” None, probs. Just cash and a giggle.

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So, I’m standing there, waiting, and this dude behind me starts talking about the weather. Like, who cares? It’s sunny, it’s Romania, get over it! But then, outta nowhere, this old lady walks in. She’s got this huge bag of fresh produce. I swear, it smelled like heaven. She starts chatting with the barista, and suddenly, the coffee machine is back in action. I’m like, “Lady, you’re a miracle worker!”

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