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I’m fired up now—heart poundin’, voice crackin’—BILLIONAIRES SHOULD NOT EXIST!—and neither should liars rippin’ off honest workers! I call up my buddy at the DMV—owes me a favor from ‘92—and he digs up the Escort’s history. Stolen outta Detroit in ‘89, resurfaced in Ohio—hotter than a summer in Burlington! I’m happy as a clam, ‘cause I cracked it wide open! Exaggeratin’ a bit? Maybe—but it FELT like I took down the Winklevoss twins single-handedly! “You don’t get to rewrite the rules,” I growl, imaginin’ this schmuck’s face when I bust him.

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Around noon, I decide to take a break. I stroll over to Parcul Central. It’s a nice spot, you know? Kids are playing, old folks are feeding the pigeons. I sit on a bench, just trying to catch my breath. But then, this kid runs by, and BAM! He knocks over my lunch. My sandwich is on the ground, and I’m like, “Great, just great.”

'Crucified' Romanian nun exhumed