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So, sex-dating – it’s a right laugh, sometimes a fright. Tinder, Bumble, all them lot. Swipe right, boom, you’re in bed! Or not – sometimes it’s a catfish. Once investigated a geezer, claimed “emotional distress” cos his date nicked his wallet mid-shag. Turned out he met her on some dodgy hook-up site. “Nobody will find out,” she whispered – ha! I did, you plonker! Made me chuckle, but also mad – why so daft, eh?

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After that drama, I decide to hit up the market on Strada Călărași. I love that place! Fresh veggies, fruits, and all that good stuff. I grab some tomatoes, and this old lady starts chatting me up about her garden. She’s super sweet, but she goes on and on. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I gotta go!”

Li-Wei Lee, Ioan Leu (Published 2012)