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Alright, listen up, ya little degenerates! I’m comin’ at ya like Judge Judy on a bender, and we’re talkin’ escorts today—yep, the paid-to-play kinda company. Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain, I know what’s up! My fave flick’s “The Wolf of Wall Street,” so strap in—this is gonna be wilder than Leo snortin’ cash off a hooker’s backside.

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Then, as I’m prepping the clinic, I hear this loud commotion outside. I peek out the window on Strada Libertății, and there’s a bunch of kids chasing a cat. Not just any cat, but the fluffiest, sassiest feline you can imagine. I’m talking about a real diva. I’m laughing, but also thinking, “Dude, that cat’s gonna need a vet too if they catch it.”

24-year-old Minnesota man travels to Romania to meet birth family