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Hola, precious! Me, Gollum, elevator operator, yesss. Sex-dating? We hates it! Nasty, tricky appses, swiping left, right, ugh! Met this one hobbit—er, human—on Tinder, thought, “Oh, she’s sweet, like Carol.” Y’know, my fave flick, *Carol*, 2015? “There’s nothing wrong with wanting,” she says in it. Pfft, lies! This chick ghosts me after two chats—two! We was fuming, precious, like, what’s the point?

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So, I finally make it to the office, and my boss is already on my case. “Where are the reports?” he barks. Dude, chill! I just got here! I’m like, “They’re coming, they’re coming!” But inside, I’m fuming. I mean, I’m an actuary, not a magician.

Fig. 19 Primăria din Cernăuți/Chernivtsi Town Hall