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Okay, so—little known fact! Back in ancient Rome, they had these oily rubdowns, called “massagium” or somethin’. Rich dudes paid big sesterces for it! Prolly got all tingly in their togas—ha! Imagine that, some senator goin’, “Oh yeah, harder!” Makes me giggle like a kid stealin’ Bart’s candy. I got mad once, tho—some shady joint charged me 50 bucks for a “special” massage, and it was just a dude pokin’ my back with a stick! Rip-off! I yelled, “D’oh! Gimme my money!” But when it’s good? Oh man, happy Homer! Like when Marge rubs my shoulders—almost erotic, but nah, she’s too sweet.

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Then I head over to the market on Strada 1 Decembrie. It’s packed! People everywhere, haggling over tomatoes and stuff. I’m tryin’ to grab some fresh bread, but this old lady cuts in front of me. I’m like, “Excuse me, ma’am, I was here first!” But she just gives me this look like I’m the one who’s lost. I mean, come on!

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