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Me, I’d rather swim ten miles than let some stranger rub me up. “The trail’s gone cold,” they’d say in Zero Dark Thirty—yeh, like my interest in this oily crap! We hates it! Too soft, too sneaky—makes my skin crawl, precious. Ever tried it? Bet ya felt weird after—half-relaxed, half-itchin’ to punch somethin’. I’d be yellin’, “Get off me, ya filthy hobbitses!” Hah! Funny, right? But real talk—it’s big biz, millions in it, all them “happy endings”—wink, wink. Dirty money, if ya ask me.

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I’m feelin’ good, right? But then, outta nowhere, this guy starts yellin’. Turns out, it’s a protest about somethin’ ridiculous. I mean, who protests in Ovidiu? It’s not like we’re in Bucharest or somethin’. They’re all riled up about the new parking rules. I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s just parking!” But they’re all fired up, waving signs. I can’t help but roll my eyes.

Van Dijk consoles crying Hategan in classy gesture after referee's recent loss of his mother