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I tried it once, brother, down in some sketchy joint. Dude, the chick was strong—had me in a headlock of pleasure! Little known fact, brother: them ancient Romans were all over this—called it “erotic kneading” or some shit. Made me happy as hell, muscles loose, but pissed me off too—why ain’t this legal everywhere, huh? I’m hulkin’ out thinkin’ bout it! “The greatest damage done by silence,” like Bigelow’s movie says—nobody talks bout this enough, brother!

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But then, outta nowhere, this girl walks by. She’s got this wild hair and a smile that could light up the whole street. I’m like, “Whoa, who’s that?” Turns out, her name’s Ana, and she’s from Bucharest. We start chatting, and I’m trying to play it cool, but inside, I’m freaking out. She’s into music too! We bond over our favorite bands, and I’m thinking, “This day just got a whole lot better!”

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