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Ever tried it? Me neither—insurance don’t cover *that* claim, ha! Still, I’d growl, “I was born in it!” if I did—total power move. Worst part? Shady joints overchargin’—50 quid for a tease? Piss off! Makes me wanna smash somethin’. Oh, and the stigma—mates judgin’ ya, “Ooh, Bane’s a perv!” Whatever, ya prudes—live a little! Movie line fits here: “No one cared who I was ‘til I put on the mask.” Sexual-massage hides behind “wellness,” but we all know the score.

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Finally, the rain stops, and we decide to head back. I’m feeling all kinds of emotions—happy, excited, a bit nervous about asking her out. We get to the edge of town, and I’m like, “Hey, wanna jam sometime?” She grins and says, “Absolutely!”

Stan Serbanica, of Chatham | Obituaries