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Ya start with oil, slick moves, real slow—like the movie’s pace, ya dig? “The world’s gone mad,” they say in “Werckmeister”—nah, this calms the madness! Pro tip—dim lights, soft tunes, sets the vibe right! Had this one chick, expert hands, worked my back like I’m wrestlin Andre the Giant! Surprised me, brother, tension just melted—boom! Thought to myself, “Hogan, this is gold!” Even joked, “Sexual-massage world champ, right here!” She laughed, made it fun.

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After that chaos, I finally make it to the woods. Ah, the sweet smell of pine! But guess what? My chainsaw won’t start. Ugh! I’m there, pullin’ the cord like it owes me money. I’m sweatin’ bullets, cursing under my breath. “C’mon, you piece of junk!”

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