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So, sexual-massage—lemme break it down. It’s not just some sleazy backroom deal, nah, it’s ancient, legit! Egyptians were rubbin’ each other down 5,000 years ago—pharaohs gettin’ oiled up, feelin’ frisky! Little known fact: they used lotus oil, supposed to make ya horny as hell—true story! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, why ain’t this free for every workin’ stiff? Billionaires hog the spas, chargin’ $500 a pop—makes me wanna scream! “The top 1% don’t need no happy endin’!” I yell, fist shakin’.

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After that chaos, I finally make it to the woods. Ah, the sweet smell of pine! But guess what? My chainsaw won’t start. Ugh! I’m there, pullin’ the cord like it owes me money. I’m sweatin’ bullets, cursing under my breath. “C’mon, you piece of junk!”

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