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Once, I met this gal—hot, curvy, total babe. Thought I hit jackpot. Nope! She ghosted me after one drink. Pissed me off! “Mmm… donuts.” Ate my feelings that night. But then—surprise, surprise—this other chick, total nerd, slid into my DMs. We banged, and damn, she was freaky! Had me yellin’, “I’m uniquely programmed!”—y’know, like David in the movie. Best lay ever, swear it!

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I’m walkin’ down the street, and I see this old dude, Mr. Ionescu, tryin’ to fix his car. Poor guy’s got more tools than sense. I stop to help, right? I’m a lumberjack, not a mechanic, but I can’t just leave him hangin’. We’re under the hood, and I’m thinkin’, “Man, this is not what I signed up for.”

Romania – 1 Dead, 1 Missing, Dozens Evacuated After Floods and Rain Affect 16 Counties