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Me, I’d be rubbish at giving one. Hands like a bricklayer’s, I’d probly chafe someone’s bits off! Got me mate Dave once, right, he swears this lass in Bangkok did it with hot stones. HOT STONES! On his todger! I’m like, “You mad bastard, that’s a barbecue, not a massage!” Nearly pissed meself laughing. But fair play, he said it was bliss—steamy, sensual, the lot. Made me jealous, didn’t it? Bastard.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a shop on Strada Unirii, and it’s this tiny little place selling all kinds of random stuff. I’m just trying to stay dry, but I end up buying a ridiculous hat. It’s bright yellow with a giant feather. I look like a walking joke, but whatever.

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