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But nah, serious—like, it’s dodgy, innit? Them parlors, some’s legit, some’s fronts fer shadier stuff. Me cousin swore it fixed his back—happy as a pig in muck, he was. Surprised me, that. “Grace don’t try to please itself,” says the flick—maybe he’s onto somethin’. Still, we hates it! Too close, too slippy, too—argh! Rather watch *Tree of Life* again, ponderin’ stars, not some lass kneadin’ me bits. What’s yer take, precious?

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Then, I decide to grab lunch at that little place on Strada Călărașilor. You know the one? The one with the best mici in town? I’m standing in line, and this old lady in front of me starts chatting about the weather. I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s Romania. It’s always weird.” But she’s all like, “Back in my day, we had real winters!” I’m just nodding, trying not to roll my eyes.