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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, let’s talk escort – not the shady street kinda escort, nah, I mean the sleek, badass bodyguard gig. Y’know, like me, Jack, protectin’ some hotshot who’s too pretty to bleed. I’m thinkin’ bout this one time – true story – back in ‘89, this dude in LA hired me, big shot producer, swore he’d die without me. Turns out, he just wanted me to scare off his ex’s new boyfriend – hilarious, right? Paid me triple to stand there lookin’ mean. Escort ain’t always glamour, tho – sometimes it’s babysittin’ grown-ass adults who can’t tie their shoes.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I’m scrambling to cover my stuff. My sharpening station is getting soaked! I’m cursing under my breath. “Why today? Why now?” But then, I see this old lady with an umbrella, just chillin’ in the rain. She’s laughing, like it’s the best day ever. I’m like, “Okay, lady, you’re onto something.”

"Friendship bridge" over the Danube, revamped for the first time in 61 years