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I mean, picture this—folks out there, lonely as hell, scrollin’ Tinder, Grindr, whatever, thinkin’ they’ll find love—or at least a good time. Me? I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my coffee, goin’, “This system’s rigged!” Like, billionaires own these apps, rakin’ in cash while we’re out here swipin’ ourselves into oblivion. “The top one percent!”—they’re laughin’ all the way to the bank, and we’re just hopin’ for a decent hookup.

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So, I’m paddlin’ along, mindin’ my own biz, when I spot this group of tourists. They’re takin’ selfies like they’re on some kinda reality show. I’m like, “Hey, folks! This ain’t a theme park!” But they just laugh and wave. Ugh, tourists, man. They don’t get it.